End of Another Year

Another year is ending. I remember when I was a teenager in the eighties, I thought that year 2000 was going to be so far away, and thinking that I was going 32 that year was just unthinkable. A 32-year-old person is just so old to my eyes then. And I turned 32, and then now I am 40. And I don't feel old. In some ways I mean. In other ways of course I feel old. Like the appearance of lines on the face. Or my thought processes - advising the young ones how they should think carefully about their life commitments. Yes, so I am old in those ways. But I don't feel old old, if you know what I mean. Like when I compare myself to what I thought a 40-year old guy would be like, I don't think I fit that stereotype. I still wear hip t-shirts or hip jeans (I would like to think), and I don't wear khaki pants with checkered shirts on the weekends. But I don't have the same level of energy I used to have anymore. And the other things that worries me (and when you worry that means you are old) is the fact that many of my friends are going through their mid-life crisis - getting split up, looking for new wives etc etc. I do worry, and it is hitting too close to home for comfort. Not my home, because my home is a home of one, but my closest friends' homes, my loved ones. The sad thing is that it is becoming more the norm than the exception. Which makes me wish all the time that I am that innocent child in the eighties that I used to be. Where things like these don't happen, at least not in my sheltered life then.

A matter of the heart

I had another scare this week, my mum had a minor heart attack on Monday, her second one this year. I have been on a adrenalin high since then - booked my flight, flew back, my days were made of hospital benches, the cardiac care unit, hand-wringings, spitting at incompetent doctors (behind their backs), grateful thanks to kind nurses, and silent prayers of hope and thanks. I felt so hopeless, I felt so small, I never cried, because I am done crying. Mum is much better now, her colour had returned, although her blood pressure still hovers around 110/60 - 110/75. Please continue to pray for her.

And I thank God again for giving me another chance to still have my mum around.

I turned 40

I turned 40 yesterday, another milestone. More experienced, closer to the end? I went to Singapore, to visit my closest friend in university, Gav, who continues to be my closest friend now, who understands me like no one else. I wanted it to be a quiet affair, I just wanted to do the normal everyday things, and I told Gav so before I went, because I knew that he would go out of his way to arrange a memorable time for me. More so because I had not been down for a long while, and because it was my 40th birthday. But Gav being Gav, he arranged a wonderful extremely memorable 2 days for me, and the stress took its toll, and he developed cold sores! I was so touched with the care that he put into the arrangements - dinner at Equinox on the 70th floor of the Fairmont (which must have cost him a bomb!), lunch at the Amara on Sentosa, brunch at the Jones Grocers at Dempsey Hill. And he knew that I would enjoy them. And I did. Very very much. Thanks so much Gav. And thanks for the Steve Tyrell CD (which has been on repeat mode for the last 3 hours), the Sex and the City CD (I have yet to listen - that will be in the car tomorrow), and the clothes, and most of all for caring, and making my 40th a very memorable occasion.

And R has again shown his very rare sentimental side. The messages that I ket getting every few hours, the calls... I miss you. And keep your promise to make my 50th very very memorable. :)

But if you ask me how it feels to be 40? It's doesn't feel any different. I did do a double mask just now though. :)

I Deserve Nice Things

Someone said that to me - 'I deserve nice things.'. It's a very simple statement, and I truly believe it too. But does that happen often? It's that the-glass-is-half-full question I suppose. I bitch a lot about what I don't have, but when I remember to remember the other people who have less than me I cringe and say my thanks. My 40th birthday is next week, and I do truly feel that I deserve nice things. But the news I received last night wasn't nice - R has been offered a promotion in Dubai, which will bind him there for the next 4 years. And the past 3 has been very long for me. We need to talk about this, was all I could say.